Razer Valerie: The amazing “laptop” you’ll never get

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It’s been well over a week since Razer showed off their crazy, over-the-top project Valerie at CES 2017. Think of it as a Razer Blade Pro with two extra 17 inch 4k screens. Yeah. Specs are still unknown, but there is a bigger problem than specs at the moment.

Somehow, both of Razer’s prototypes were stolen from their booth at the end of CES. Immediately after the heist, Razer’s CEO, Min-Liang Tan, put out a Facebook post offering $25,000 to anyone with information. Meanwhile, a rumor was going around that Linus of LinusTechTips knew something about the machine.

I consider myself pretty up-to-date with tech news, and when nothing was posted for multiple days about one of CES 2017’s biggest stories, I didn’t know what was going on. Until I did.

You’ve certainly heard of Taobao, right? No? As it turns out, Razer plus thief plus Taobao equals $21k for someone who doesn’t deserve it. Razer’s new design prototype is not involved in a massive espionage, but rather a private heist. The laptop (can you even call it a laptop?) has been taken off the Chinese site, and Razer is likely looking to find it again.

Let’s take a break from the details and talk about the laptop itself. First, the obvious question: Is it really a good idea? Personally, I think it is. Being a content creator who has a home setup of three 24 inch 1080p monitors, I would absolutely adore the extra real-estate on the go. Every day at school, I deal with my XPS 13’s mere 13 inches of screen size, but the feeling is great when I finally get home each day and have a lot more space.

Second question: “Are automatic hinges really necessary? I mean, one of the prototypes (while it lasted) had manual hinges and I didn’t see any problem with it!” Yes, yes they are. For likely over $9,000, you had better get every penny’s worth.

If you’re still wondering if it can run Crysis, hold onto your seat a bit longer. In a few years, we’ll hopefully see a Valerie that is ready for prime time. Until then, just go enjoy the pictures on Razer’s site.

Linus didn’t steal it and Razer won’t release it (at least not for awhile). For now, go buy yourself two of these, tape them to your laptop, call up Min-Liang Tan, and sit contently in your middle airplane seat while you enjoy your $25,000 1 megabit airplane internet connection.

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Zachary Sherman

Since I was a small child, everything tech has interested me. A few years ago, I started watching tech YouTube and after putting two and two together and meeting Alex, we started creating New and Improved.

2 thoughts on “Razer Valerie: The amazing “laptop” you’ll never get

  • January 20, 2017 at 8:43 am
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    Would you really use such a thing at school?
    Wouldn’t a 17 inch, thick laptop get cumbersome to carry around?
    Personally, I think it is meant to stay home or in the office and only go “on the go” when you need to go to a place where editing needs to be done, or a gaming competition (based on your use case).
    Also, the portable monitors you recommended are 15.6 inches not full 17 inch! 🙂

    Reply
    • January 20, 2017 at 8:52 am
      Permalink

      Hey Nadav!
      Yeah, you’re right about that. I don’t think it could fully replace a desktop, though. The displays are only 17 inches, whereas most people have 24+ inch displays at home. I think it would be most helpful for conventions or long trips. Yeah, I know the monitors I “recommended” weren’t full size, but the point still got across!
      -ZS

      Reply

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